In my quest to help parents, caregivers and educators create an emotionally safe world for our kids, I met a man who is on the same mission. His name is Erik Kondo and he has developed his own program to help ensure this cause. He was kind enough to share with us some of his thoughts on the matter and his insightful perspective and work. Here is the interview he gave us:
“My desire is to reduce the rate of bullying and other anti-social behavior in society. Unlike most educators, I prefer not to focus on specific “Do’s and Don’ts”, but to convey universal concepts that may be applied to individual situations.
I have created a model called Progressive Boundary Setting that helps people understand how individuals and societies control and limit unwanted behavior.
Bullying and harassment are essentially violations of the Rules of Behavior. The violators either don’t understand the rules, or they lack respect for the rules. Clear communication in the form of education on what is unacceptable behavior reduces the number of bullying incidents resulting from “misunderstandings” of the rules. Communication in the form of assertive phrases such as “Stop that” or “I don’t like that” also delineates unwanted behavior.
Clear communication sets boundaries on behavior. Therefore, those that violate those boundaries lack respect for the boundaries and for Rules of Behavior. When violators lack respect, it is necessary to enforce the Rules of Behavior. Enforcement that is appropriate for the situation will create respect. Over-enforcement creates a backlash against the rules, under-enforcement creates contempt for the rules. Only just-right enforcement creates respect for the rules.
The presence of overall respect for the rules, strong communication of the rules, and appropriate enforcement of the rules may systematically reduce incidents of bullying. Cultures that are prone to bullying invariably are lacking in one or more of the areas of respect, communication, and enforcement.”
Kondo and I clearly see eye-to-eye. I too believe that bullying occurs due to the lack of a person knowing and respecting how to interact with one another.
It starts with the youngest of children. They need to be taught how to have empathy and how to do the “dance” of social interaction in a respectful manner. Children of all ages are still learning how to work through this.
Typically at summer camps we have children caring for children; teenagers and young adults who are still learning the rules of behavior. This is why I created my Prevent Bullying at Camp training. Having an emotionally safe environment starts with how the counselors interact with each other and with their campers. Summer camps all over the world can have access to this training either live or through my DVD, which includes a full keynote presentation and my personal voice-over of in depth explanations, tips, and stories. You can learn more about this DVD here.
I truly appreciate you reading my blog. Please leave your feedback or questions in the comments area below. We would love to hear what you think! And be sure to check back for the next blog in my bullying series.
Erik Kondo is the founder of NOT-ME! — a non-profit organization with a mission to promote, advance, and unify self-defense education and training for at-risk populations.
