Do you know what sharing and turn taking is? If you are parenting toddlers, parenting preschoolers or are an early childhood educator you’re probably thinking, “What kind of question is that? Of course I do!” Well, I want to challenge you on that for a moment.
If you have a preschooler or toddler playing with a toy and another child comes along wanting to play, do you tell the child to “share”? What are you expecting that child to do? Do you think they should hand over the toy to the other child; do you think they should finish with it then hand it over?
What if the toy is a single item, does that differ from how you would expect a child to share if there are many pieces to the toy?
What if the pieces were, more or less, the same (like blocks, for instance)? Would you expect the child to give some of the pieces up? When you say share, are you expecting the child to divide the pieces so both kids can play?
What if the toy had multiple pieces but you need all of the pieces to play with the toy like a puzzle? Would you direct the child differently? Would you still tell the child to “share?”
In my observations and experiences while doing early childhood training for many parents and teachers, I am seeing caregivers, parents and teachers make general statements like “share” in many different scenarios. However in each of these scenarios we are expecting a different action when we use the same word “share”. Are young children supposed to know the differences in what we mean? When we witness a toddler behavior such as grabbing or hording toys should we really be surprised? Our little ones are getting so many mixed messages, no wonder they take it upon themselves to fend for themselves.
We also say, “take turns” quite a lot at home and at school with our toddlers and preschoolers. Are we sure we know what we are asking of our children?
Perhaps giving a toy to another child is actually taking turns. Does that child get to finish their turn with the toy before they give it away? Does the child know this? To some people taking turns means giving the toy back and forth to each other so there is a pattern of turns. To others, taking turns means when I am finished I will hand it to you for your turn. Do you really know what you are wanting of the child, and does the child really know what you are expecting of him or her? One of the reasons we see a typical preschool behavior such as pushing is because one child might hand over a toy expecting the toy to come back to them because in their mind turn taking is back and forth. The other child may think they get to keep the toy now that it was given to them. You can bet that these children are going to have conflict and present with more negative behaviors!
Those of us who are parenting toddlers and preschoolers, or are in the early childhood field, need to create specific guidelines as to when it is appropriate to share, take turns and how that will look in different situations.
If you would like help in navigating how to do this effectively you maybe interested in my parenting program’s upcoming teleseminar training “Child’s Play; Can’t We All Get Along?” It is perfect for Early Childhood Educators, and those parenting toddlers and preschoolers. You can learn more about it here. (FYI, educators will get PDPs for this training).
If you have a preschooler or toddler playing with a toy and another child comes along wanting to play, do you tell the child to “share”? What are you expecting that child to do? Do you think they should hand over the toy to the other child; do you think they should finish with it then hand it over?
What if the toy is a single item, does that differ from how you would expect a child to share if there are many pieces to the toy?
What if the pieces were, more or less, the same (like blocks, for instance)? Would you expect the child to give some of the pieces up? When you say share, are you expecting the child to divide the pieces so both kids can play?
What if the toy had multiple pieces but you need all of the pieces to play with the toy like a puzzle? Would you direct the child differently? Would you still tell the child to “share?”
In my observations and experiences while doing early childhood training for many parents and teachers, I am seeing caregivers, parents and teachers make general statements like “share” in many different scenarios. However in each of these scenarios we are expecting a different action when we use the same word “share”. Are young children supposed to know the differences in what we mean? When we witness a toddler behavior such as grabbing or hording toys should we really be surprised? Our little ones are getting so many mixed messages, no wonder they take it upon themselves to fend for themselves.
We also say, “take turns” quite a lot at home and at school with our toddlers and preschoolers. Are we sure we know what we are asking of our children?
Perhaps giving a toy to another child is actually taking turns. Does that child get to finish their turn with the toy before they give it away? Does the child know this? To some people taking turns means giving the toy back and forth to each other so there is a pattern of turns. To others, taking turns means when I am finished I will hand it to you for your turn. Do you really know what you are wanting of the child, and does the child really know what you are expecting of him or her? One of the reasons we see a typical preschool behavior such as pushing is because one child might hand over a toy expecting the toy to come back to them because in their mind turn taking is back and forth. The other child may think they get to keep the toy now that it was given to them. You can bet that these children are going to have conflict and present with more negative behaviors!
Those of us who are parenting toddlers and preschoolers, or are in the early childhood field, need to create specific guidelines as to when it is appropriate to share, take turns and how that will look in different situations.
If you would like help in navigating how to do this effectively you maybe interested in my parenting program’s upcoming teleseminar training “Child’s Play; Can’t We All Get Along?” It is perfect for Early Childhood Educators, and those parenting toddlers and preschoolers. You can learn more about it here. (FYI, educators will get PDPs for this training).
