I think we should move away from using the word “bullies” with our children. The term is a label, which sets kids up for failure. To say just because someone made bad choices and bullied another person they are a “bully” means that you’re creating an identity for that child before they have a chance to grow up and learn. Nothing in a child’s life should ever be a definitive thing (with the exception of some learning disabilities).
The point of childhood is to learn from mistakes and grow into a responsible adult. If we call someone a bully we are stunting that child of their opportunity for growth. We are also creating a society of “us versus them.”
The reality is most kids will try out different roles from time-to-time to see what works for them and to determine who they are. Most kids will get picked on at some point, those same kids will be unkind to others, and the same kids will be bystanders at some point in their childhood.
Bullying someone does not make you a “bully” forever, or at least in my clinical opinion I do not think it should. What ever happened to learning from mistakes, not passing judgments on others, giving second chances etc.? We cannot box a child into a label like “bully.”
We also have to be careful when we use the term “bullying.” In our day and age people immediately concur that if a person bullies they should be identified as a bully. I have heard educators say, “we don’t call children bullies, but we do use the term bullying.” The problem is the kids then turn around and conclude that the one doing the bullying is in fact a bully, and they go home and relate to their parents that “so and so” is a bully.
What is a bully anyway? A bully is merely a person who is unkind to someone else repeatedly. So instead of putting our only focus on what to do if you’re bullied or what to do if you witness bullying shouldn’t we also teach children how to positively engage with each other? Shouldn’t we be teaching caregivers how to empower a child’s sense of self-worth, their ability to cope with emotions, and to have empathy? I believe so.
This why I have created a training to help summer camp counselors in the above process. Camp counselors are typically young enough to still be learning how to have positive interactions with their peers. So they need the most help in learning how to create a socially/emotionally safe environment for campers. I offer this training live locally in New England, however I also offer the training in my Prevent Bullying at Camp DVD.
Summer camps all over the world can have access to this training, which includes a full keynote presentation and my personal voice-over of in depth explanations, tips, and stories. You can learn more about this DVD here.
Would you like a sample of my bully training? Consider registering for my Teaching Tots-to- Teens How to Create a Bully Free World teleseminar. It will be running the entire month of April. Click here for more information.
I appreciate you reading my blog. Be sure to return later this week for the next blog in my bullying series, What does empathy have to do with bullying? Please leave your feedback or questions in the comments area below. We would love to hear what you think!
