When I teach parents about “time outs” in my parenting programs I ask them, “What is a time out in a sporting event?” Their responses often include, “a time to take a break,” “a time to regroup,” to stop and make a plan,” “a chance to come back and fix what went wrong,” etc. Most people in our society understand time outs as they relate to sports.
I then ask the group why we use the same term to explain the old-school discipline practice of putting a “dunce cap” on a child and sitting them in a corner. This usually makes everyone laugh because they realize how ridiculous it is that our society does this. After all, all we did was change the terminology. We didn’t change the actual action of a time out.
Time outs are seen as a punishment in many homes and schools, when in fact they are great discipline tools. As if the act of sitting a child in the corner will magically create a teachable moment! Whether you call it a time out, a time in, or simply a break, it’s an acceptable discipline tool to use with a child (or adult) who is no longer in control of the situation.
Time outs are a chance for children to pull themselves together when they are not “playing” at their best, and to take a break from the game. Time is not a factor in the discipline since children take a different amount of time to regroup and reorganize. The time out is over when the child is ready to go back and FIX what went wrong.
The child has to get back into the game, pick up what they threw, get an ice pack for a friend, etc. There needs to be accountability for their actions, and there should be discussion about the behavior with the child after the time out is done.
Time outs are not a punishment or a consequence. They are parenting tools to help children get calm and rational again. The logical consequence that follows is when you help the child see why their behavior was a bad choice and help them figure out better choices for the future. You are then able to impose a consequence that has to do with the behavior that caused the incident in the first place. For instance, cleaning up a mess they’ve made, checking on another person to see if they are okay, or not being allowed to play with a toy for a while, etc.
I’m a firm believer in positive and proactive discipline with logical consequences versus punishment. I’ve trained many parents and childcare providers in this type of discipline, and after I walk them through this exercise, they almost always have an “Ah Ha!” moment-the moment that parenting educators work hard at achieving. It is the very reason we do what we do! I hope this helps you in your parenting or child educator role. If you’d like more information about this parenting topic, check out some of my past blogs at:www.nurturingparentsandteachers.com.Your feedback and questions are important to us. You can leave feedback in the area below. We would love to hear what you think!
